Forgive and Forget
by Tales To Tell
Summary: An evening at Hogwarts. Marauders' fifth year. Snape holds Lupin at wandpoint. The werewolf has suddenly accosted him in an empty hallway. Snape suspects ambush.


**Forgive and Forget**

"What do you want?" Snape enunciates slowly, wand level with Lupin's face. His pale fingers wrapped around the coal black wood make the sleeves of his white dress shirt look gray. He stands ready for a fight, eyes boring into Lupin, watching for a reason to strike, though if he cursed the werewolf first, only a hollow suit of armor would know.

Lupin stands unguarded despite the threat, his own wand loose in his hand by his hip. His sickly pallor sticks out like a moon against a night sky, shrouded by the black of his robes. On his face, a new scar weaves into the old, acquired during last night's roaming. "I just wanted to talk to you."

"Right." Snape glances downward at Lupin's wand.

Lupin tosses his wand away and puts his hands in the air. "Is that better?"

"Better would be not looking at your face."

"Shall I turn around?"

"So you can signal your friends without me knowing?"

Lupin sighs. "We're the only ones here, Snape. This isn't an ambush. I just want to talk." He wiggles his fingers. "You can see I'm unarmed. Will you lower that?"

"No. You take me for a fool?" Snape tightens his grip and glances side to side. "For all I know, the rest of you are hiding in the shadows under Potter's cloak—yes, I know about that." He sneers. "Doesn't take a genius to put two and two together. The way he always catches me by surprise. Pulls his pranks in the middle of the night and gets away with murder."

"If you're talking about that night, James had nothing to do with it. It was all Siri—"

"As if it matters. Potter was just pissed he didn't come up with it himself. Isn't it a competition amongst you four? See which one of you kills me first? I bet you'd love to sink your teeth into me. Wouldn't you, werewolf?"

"I'd rather die, Snape," says Lupin. "And that's what would've happened if I'd ended up hurting you. I wouldn't have lasted two days. Before the Aurors got to me, before Azkaban or execution, I'd've killed myself."

"Bullshit."

"It's the truth. My worst nightmare is hurting someone when I'm not in control of myself."

"So, you'd rather be in control when you kill me."

"Frankly, _yes_."

Snape scoffs.

"I don't want to kill anyone, Snape." Lupin clenches his fists. "I don't want to hurt anyone. But twelve times a year, that choice is taken from me. If I had it my way, I'd be caged and buried under the earth somewhere where no one could find me. I'd never allow myself around people, not even on off days." He searches Snape's face for sympathy but only sees _you're full of it_. "But there are people around me who've convinced me that I'm worth fighting for. I'm worth saving from that misery. I don't have to be alone. It's because of them that I'm taking this risk. That I'm trusting them to help me."

He starts to lower his hands, but Snape flicks his wand in protest.

"I was bitten when I was four," he says. "Attacked in my bedroom by a werewolf who felt my father had insulted him. After that, it was month after month of being locked up. Hidden. Experimented on. My father drove himself into poverty trying to cure me. And then moving from place to place when people started to suspect what I was. He couldn't hold a job. Could barely support himself, let alone a son. I'm grateful he even still considered me his son. A lot of people would've just abandoned a werewolf kid. And then one night when I was seven, I nearly killed him. From then, I decided, if I ever hurt anyone when I was transformed, even if it was just a scratch, I'd kill myself."

"How altruistic of you," says Snape.

Lupin laughs, tears glistening in his eyes. "I'm a coward, Snape. Sure, it would benefit society to have one less werewolf, but I just couldn't deal with the guilt. Condemning someone to the same fate as me. Monster. Pariah. Dark Creature. No family, no job prospects, loneliness, and pain. You wouldn't believe how painful… Anyway, I couldn't do that to someone and live with it, so I fully plan not to, if that makes you feel any better."

"It doesn't," says Snape. "You're still here. You're still a danger. I should kill you now, before you hurt anyone."

Lupin nods then closes his eyes.

"You…you want me to do it."

"I won't stop you."

"Avada Kedavra."

Lupin flinches but doesn't dodge. A moment later, when no spell hits him, he opens his eyes and looks at Snape.

"You're lucky I don't hate you enough to pull that off."

Tears start leaking from Lupin's eyes and streaming down his cheeks. He sniffles and wipes them away.

Snape lowers his wand, but maintains his cold gaze, though now there's something in his eyes besides suspicion. "What's your point in all this?"

Lupin shrugs. "I just…wanted to apologize."

"Alright. You've done it." Snape starts to walk off.

"Wait! I mean not just for…"

Snape glares at him.

Lupin shifts his weight and rubs the back of his neck.

"Spit it out!"

"I-I'm sorry for endangering you," says Lupin. "I'm sorry about James. And Sirius. And Peter. And, and _me_. I'm sorry that I've never said anything to stop them. They're the first and only friends I've ever had. And like I said before, I am a coward. Just the thought of losing them…. I'd be in hell all over again. They make all this worth bearing."

Snape grits his teeth. "That's all well and good for you, but while you're basking in the glory of Potter's aura, I _am_ in hell." He looks Lupin up and down. "You talk about pain; you know nothing about it. At least your father gives a damn about you. My father would've put a bullet in my brain the first night. The only sacrifice he's ever made for me is taking the stairs to my bedroom so he could…"

Both pairs of eyes widen in horror at the words unsaid and what they reveal.

Snape's horrified face morphs into a snide grin in which Lupin recognizes self-loathing.

"And you with your friends, and your father, and your _future_. You dare tell me _your_ life sucks. I'd take your life any day, wolf."

"Severus—"

"No one's ever fought for me enough to break a sweat. You don't know what it's like to be alone. You've never been alone. Twelve nights of the year, you lose control of yourself and you might hurt people, so what? You can hide it. For 353 days, you're normal. No one judges you. No one hates you just for _existing_. I don't get a break!"

The shout echoes through the corridor with tangible frustration. Lupin feels it clanging in his chest.

"I used to dream about leaving home and starting school here," Snape says. "When I was a kid, Hogwarts was equivalent to paradise. The one place I'd finally get away from all the bullshit. But you Marauders took my paradise. And you took Lily. She was the only meaningful thing in my life, and you just had to ruin that. Why? Why couldn't you just leave me alone? Was I not pathetic enough?"

Lupin stands at a loss for words, seized by profound guilt. "I'm sorry, Severus."

Snape turns his head away and swiftly brushes his eye.

Lupin reaches for his shoulder, but Snape shoves his wand into his forehead.

"Stay away from me."

Lupin backs off and shows his empty palms again. "I _am_ sorry," he says. "Things will change. I swear it. I'll…I'll make them listen. I'll fight them if I have to."

"It's too late. She won't speak to me. It's over," says Snape. "I have nothing now."

The air of finality strikes a painful chord with Lupin. "No," he says urgently. "You have time. You're both still alive. You can fix it. Don't give up."

Snape laughs. "You're ridiculous. Thanks for the pep talk after ruining my life."

"I'm sor—"

"Stop apologizing!"

Lupin bites his lip. "I don't know what else to do. I just want to make things right."

"You want to make things right? The next time you and your friends try to kill me, make sure it works."

Snape starts to leave but then turns back and points to Lupin's wand.

"Pick that up."

Lupin narrows his eyes.

"I'm not baiting you," says Snape. "I want to teach you something. It's a spell I invented."

"You invent spells?" asks Lupin, wondering at both the claim and the change of topic.

Snape smirks. "_Muffliato_. _Levicorpus_. Both mine."

"That's incredible, Snape," says Lupin earnestly.

Snape motions to the wand again. "Come on, pick it up. You'll get a real kick out of this one."

Lupin hesitates a moment longer then summons his wand to his hand.

Snape opens his arms. "Now point it at me and say _sectumsempra._"

Lupin runs the spell over his tongue. "What does it do?"

"That'll ruin it," Snape says and smiles.

A chill runs up Lupin's spine. "Snape."

"Just do it. I'll teach you the counterspell after."

"I don't know."

"Come on," Snape wheedles. "If you do this for me, I'll forgive you everything."

Lupin really wants this to be true. Though still unsure, he aims his wand at Snape's chest and prepares to say the spell.

Snape stands back about two yards, breathing deeply in and out, arms hanging by his sides, eyes eager. He nods.

Lupin casts the spell.

Before the last syllable slips off his tongue, however, he shifts his aim to a suit of armor on Snape's right. The sound of metal screeching against metal fills the hallway, and the suit of armor topples over, riddled with gashes.

Lupin looks back at Snape as though he'd expected as much. Snape looks…disappointed.

"You have terrible aim."

"It's a terrible spell," says Lupin.

"It has its uses."

"Like getting people to commit murder?"

"There's a counterspell. I told you."

"But you didn't teach me the counterspell beforehand. How would you teach it to me _after _I'd blasted you full of holes?"

Snape looks down at the suit of armor beside him. "Cuts."

"What?"

"_Sectum sempra_. It doesn't pierce, it cuts. _Forever_."

Lupin cringes. "It's a curse."

Snape hums confirmation.

"You're bleeding," says Lupin.

Snape pokes the armor with his foot inspecting the damage.

"Snape, your arm. Your face."

Snape touches his right arm and sees blood on his fingertips. It's dripping down his wand and onto the floor. "Oh."

Lupin closes the gap between them and grabs Snape's arm. "What's the countercurse?"

Snape looks up at him smiling mirthlessly. "You want to try that too?"

Lupin sucks in a breath, disturbed by the dead look on Snape's face, and lets him go. But, to Snape's question, he answers, "Yes."

"It's a bit more complicated than the curse itself. I'll help you."

"Alright."

"You have to trace the tip of your wand over the wound. Like so." Snape demonstrates with his own wand by tracing a scar on Lupin's face. "The incantation is _vulnera sanentur._" He offers his arm. "Try it."

Lupin takes Snape's arm in one hand and with the other drags his wand across the wound. As he begins the incantation, Snape places his hand over his, controlling the pace of his movement, and starts to incant as well. The sound of the spell is so soothing, Lupin trails off just to listen. His wand responds to Snape's voice and his touch, and warm tingling energy begins to flow under his palm. Blood from Snape's wound rewinds pulling upward from out of his sleeve, leaping from the floor to his fingertips, and snaking up his arm back into the wound until not a trace is left. After three strokes, the injury is barely more remarkable than a long papercut.

Lupin gapes speechless at the intricacy of Snape's magic. He runs his thumb over the red line and feels smooth skin. Snape pulls away, not roughly, and covers the area with his hand, looking a bit disconcerted.

"That was beautiful," says Lupin, still buzzing from the spell's energy.

Snape looks away, his mouth tense. Before he can say anything, Lupin touches his wand to the cut on Snape's face and repeats the spell. Snape freezes and lets Lupin heal him.

When the spell is over, Snape backs up a few steps and puts some distance between himself and the werewolf. Lupin tucks his wand back into his robe pocket. "Well, how did I do?"

Snape touches his face and feels a faint raised area. "Good enough…"

"Will it scar?"

"Not if I take precautions."

"Dittany."

"Yes."

"I have some. From Madam Pomfrey. For my… You know."

Snape keeps rubbing his cheek.

"I'll bring it to you," says Lupin.

"You don't have to."

"No. I do. I should."

"You're a bloody bleeding heart, Lupin."

"And you pretend you don't have one. But that cat's out of the bag now, right?"

Snape struggles a moment for words. "I'll obliviate you when you turn your back," he says. "Everything will go back to how it was."

Lupin smiles sadly. "I'll be back."

They regard each other for a moment, then sighing, Lupin turns around and starts to make his way down the hall.

Snape raises his wand and points it at Lupin as he walks away, the obliviation spell on the tip of his tongue. The farther Lupin gets, the more likely he'll miss. The more likely he won't go through with it at all. But he has to. He can't let Lupin get away with all his secrets, everything that makes him vulnerable. He _has _to do this. He closes his eyes and fires the spell.

Lupin turns the corner.


End file.
